I hear you. Enough of this consumerist shenanigans. And out of respect for your sensitive aesthetic, we’re taking you another direction. Up.
Before you can think too long about it, get ahold of the UM Hang Gliding Club. Yes, we said hang gliding. Like with the wings and the air and the flying, and stuff. When you call them, I don’t really know what you say. Maybe try “I want to fly.” Or even “you got them wings?” And I don’t really know what they do about that. It may involve calling you back from a private number to discuss details. But either way, it is possible that if you have the desire and the mettle, you can find yourself in a jumpsuit with an airplane strapped to your back within hours.